a newsletter for men who want more

WELCOME |10.29.24

Introducing The Second Mountain

Men need more. Throughout my career, I’ve coached, mentored, and cared for hundreds of men. Most of these men have been well educated. Many of them have been equipped for the hard skills of their careers. Yet when it comes to the areas of life that often mean the most—marriage, parenting, leadership, emotional fitness, relationships, managing loss and grief—men are expected to simply wing it.

I’ve found that most men want to show up for their wives, their careers, their children, and their friends in meaningful ways yet lack the skills and support they need. The Second Mountain is my attempt to share stories, resources, tools, and inspiration to help men thrive in every sphere of life.

What am I signing up for?

You’ll find original and curated content on things that matter to men, whether that’s emotional fitness, fatherhood, or even hobbies and interests that make life interesting. Don’t be surprised if you see a recipe for weeknight coconut curry alongside a podcast on finding your purpose. My aim is to deliver content to your inbox that will inspire you to be the man you want to be.

Why men?

In my experience, I’ve found that men don’t know where to go or who to ask to get help. They want more out of life and relationships, but find it harder to exercise the vulnerability it takes to ask for help. Most often, they struggle alone and end up burning out. Ideally, men need more than a podcast or an essay, we need a trusted advisor to help us navigate life. My hope is that this content prompts men to reach out for help.

But what if I’m not a man!?

By all means, please follow along. Chances are, you have a man in your life that you love and want to see thriving. Maybe you’ll find something here that will help you understand and encourage him…or sign him up!

Thanks for following along. If at any point you want to drop out, be my guest. For those who want to keep receiving content, feel free to reach out with any questions or ideas for the things you’d like to see.

All the best,

Joshua

FATHERHOOD

Jennifer Wallace – The Role Fathers Play in a Society Feeling Like It Doesn’t Matter

Listen to the folks at the Guys Fishing Weekend Podcast interview Jennifer Wallace, author of Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic – and What We Can Do About It and forthcoming Mattering in the Modern World: A Solution to the Crises of Our Time.

Best Line: “Never worry alone.”

Takeaway: in addition to our biological needs for life, we all need to know that we matter. That goes for both children and fathers. If you are a father, you matter a great deal to your family. We all need to know our purpose and personal values in order to thrive. Do you know your purpose at work and at home? Link below.

EMOTIONAL FITNESS

Why Second Mountain?

In our youth, we imagine life as a summit to conquer; a list of tasks and accomplishments to pursue. Get a degree, find a job, buy a home, start a family, make it into the C-suite. At some point, however, we realize that there is more to life.

Some men get everything they want and realize that it doesn’t satisfy them. They begin to suspect that there must be more. The rest of us come to this realization after tragic loss or failure when our first mountain crumbles around us. Whether that point comes early or late in life, we have two choices: we either settle in and lower our expectations, or we find our second mountain.

The Second Mountain begins when we realize that the strategies we developed in the past are costing us too much in the present. People pleasing, avoiding conflict, suppressing our emotions, and other strategies might have helped us survive in childhood. They may have even helped us climb our first mountain. But they often leave us isolated from ourselves and others, burnt out, and anxious. To find our second mountain, we have to recover our heart, heal our wounds, and find our purpose. Are you ready for the journey?

“You don’t climb the second mountain the way you climb the first mountain. You conquer your first mountain. You identify the summit, and you claw your way toward it. You are conquered by your second mountain. You surrender to some summons, and you do everything necessary to answer the call and address the problem or injustice that is in front of you. On the first mountain you tend to be ambitious, strategic, and independent. On the second mountain you tend to be relational, intimate, and relentless.” —David Brooks, The Second Mountain: the Quest for a Moral Life

The Reverse Sear Method for Steak

Why post about food in a newsletter on men’s emotional fitness? Simply put, every man needs to know how to prepare and host a meal in order to serve the people he loves. And it’s good for our own mental health too when we connect with others, engage our senses, and create something delicious. If that interests you, read on.

Summer may be over, but don’t hang up the grill tongs yet. I’d argue that there’s no better time to grill a Friday night steak than fall, especially here in Oklahoma. If you need an at-home date night idea while the kids are watching a movie or want to gather some friends for a celebration, steak is a perfect choice. It’s an easy way to elevate an ordinary meal into something special. Add a bottle of red wine (a Cabernet Sauvignon or Syrah from California is my go-to) and it’s undeniably festive. It’s hard not to have a good time.

But you need a fool proof way to cook your steak to the perfect temp. An overcooked steak, especially if it’s an expensive cut, can easily dampen the mood. If you’ve got a little extra time, the reverse sear method by Kenji Lopez-Alt is the best way to get it right every time, as long as you have a reliable meat thermometer.

The link below will show you how to do it indoors with an oven and a skillet, but you can easily seer your steak on the grill. Start it in the oven at 250 degrees, and when it’s 5 degrees away from where you want it, take it out and rest it for 5 minutes while the grill is getting hot. Sear it on all sides on a hot grill and you’re ready to slice against the grain and serve.

There are many methods to cooking a steak and I often switch it up, but the reverse seer method is a simple technique for getting it right every time, and one that I will pass down to my sons (and daughters!) before leaving home. If you already know your way around the grill, let this be the prompt you need to walk your son or daughter to the backyard and initiate them into the rite of grilled steak mastery. You may have to endure a few tough steaks, but eventually they will have a new skill and you’ll have a few more minutes to sip that Syrah while they do the work!

THE SECOND MOUNTAIN